Date with Daniella 1 of 3

So after some cell text flirting, she quickly realizes that t9 typing sucks. I suggest for her to give me her screen name. She complies. I quickly add her to my buddy list and away I go.

I begin to chat with her and charm her with my online persona. We talk about art, we talk about science, we talk about philosophy. We talk about dating and things of that nature. Then we finally arrive at the prior convictions portion of the chat. She wanted my rap sheet.

DanielaXoXo: So tell me about your ex girlfriend.

This guy: um… well we broke up about 2 months ago.

DanielaXoXo: How long did you guys go out?

This guy: 4 years, but it was over before it was over, know what I mean?

DanielaXoXo: Why do you say that?

This guy: Well, the passion was gone, we were on autopilot, she was just strong enough to recognize and make the first move. Lets put it this way, the toughest part was acclimating to the change, not mending the broken heart.

DanielaXoXo: 4 years is a long time.

‘Oh shit I’m losing her’ I thought. I decided to wait it out and see if she would type more.

DanielaXoXo: But I suppose I can relate. The last guy I dated was 2 years ago, but he seemed to be a waste of time from the get go, so it wasn’t too bad when it was over.

This guy: ZACTLY how I feel.

I guess that wasn’t really true, but shit man, I need to at least get a date and maybe I can have her forget about this whole ex mess.

This guy: Well check it out, I got this thing in the city tonight till about 7:30, want to meet up for drinks afterwards?

DanielaXoXo: Sure.

How exciting. I landed a date. The first real date since my 4 year hiatus. I was nervous, but that’s not something Jack on the rocks couldn’t control. We agreed to a place, and I quickly signed off.

See the trick here was to be cool. I say it’s a trick because when I pull it off its magical. When I don’t its frickin embarrassing. I showered up, dug into the nice but not pretentious section of my closet, busted out some new shoes I had be harboring for a special occasion, and off I went to “my thing” in the city.

“My thing” was little more than a meeting with my cousin and ruthless dating mentor Jay. I called up Bailey and we all got together at a French restaurant in the upper west side. The idea was to discuss what was becoming a huge infatuation for me. Their goal was to knock some sense into me. My goal was to listen, disregard what they say, and do it my way anyway. But the moral support was still worth something to me.

Jay: “Listen, your problem is that any time you date someone you immediately try to figure out if she is someone you could marry. You need to shelf that shit. You need to just go, enjoy her company, and work your way into her undies.”

Jay is my lifelong best friend/cousin that just so happens to be a Lawyer. His advice is always interesting.

Bailey: “Dude, you have to accomplish your mission objective by the 3rd date.”

This guy: “What’s my objective Baily? To bed her on the third date? That’s too much pressure man.”

Bailey: “Affirmative, your objective is to penetrate the enemy territory, then pull out before feelings get involved.”

Jay: “Listen, keep a clear objective. She is not a girl you’re gonna marry, you’re just going to have fun. If you question yourself, put her on the shelf.”

This guy: “Thanks Johnny Cochran. Appreciate that.”

A few drinks and a meal later, I decide to head out on my first date. This is where god takes the wheel again and begins with his typical tom foolery.

Turns out the place that Daniela wanted to meet up in used to go by a different name. And when it used to go by a different name there was this girl that bartended there. And that girl was none other than my sweet Angelika. The very same place that I met Angelika was the very same place that Daniela wanted to meet for drinks.

God 1, This Guy 0.

So I get over it. I walk into the bar and there she is, tall and beautiful. I was a few minutes late, but whatever, the important thing was that I was there, and I was ready for some more drinks. I took her order and picked up the drinks at the bar. We headed over to a couch and began to “get to know eachother.”

We hit it off almost instantly. I mean there was a slow part in the beginning, but it quickly picked up. In person I can talk your ear off and I always have my bag of tricks. I got topics that are so perfectly selected that they can all segue into each other seamlessly. However, I started with the basics…

“So where are you originally from?”

“Italy” she said. This was another god prank. Angelika was Italian as well.

“Italy? Really? I would love to visit one day.” I figured this wasn’t the time to let her in on the few words Angelika taught me in Italian, so I moved on to the next question.

“So besides photography, do you do anything else?”

“Yeah, I’m a graphic designer. In fact I’m a designer before a photographer. That’s really my passion.”

This little god joke was getting ridiculous. Angelika was a graphic designer. I soon found out that they were also the same age. God can be a prick at times, but today he was seriously being an assface.

God 4, This Guy 0.

I shook it all off, and continued with my bag of tricks. We really dove into life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I had asked all the pertinent questions I needed to know. Then comes the sell.

I found myself catering to her personality traits. I wasn’t sacrificing my own personality, I was just highlighting those traits that I knew would appeal to her. I went on about how I find cheating impossible to do, how honesty is the best policy, and how knowing yourself is key to knowing what you want and what would work.

She slowly started dropping this expression of doubt that she had from the beginning and started changing it into this inquisitive “let me find out more about this kat” kinda look.

I knew this was a good sign. As the night proceeded and as I started knocking back more Jacks on the rocks, I loosened up. So did she, she was one drink behind me on the wine count. The hours melted away like minutes and the night rushed to a close.

“Do you have any smokes?” she asked.

“No, but we can go get some.”

We took a walk down to the bodega, grabbed some smokes and sat in my car to smoke them. I don’t typically smoke in my car, but shit man, It was fucken cold out.

I looked at her and was about to make a move to kiss her when she hit me with…

“You seem pretty drunk. You should probably crash at my place tonight.”

WHAMMY! I almost said “HELL YES!” but I quickly remembered what my little bro Julian once told me. My little brother is a womanizer like no other and he too wants to guide my development into being something I find incredibly hard to be.

Julian said:
“You got to keep them guessing. Sometimes I invite a chick over, and then I don’t to anything with them, I just go to sleep. They wake up the next day wondering what that was about and start calling you trying to figure shit out. They aren’t happy unless they think they understand you. Keep em guessing.”

Somehow in my drunken stupor those words translated to: “Go home and make her wonder why you didn’t sleep with her.”

So I told her that I would take her home and drop her off. We arrived in front of her house and she asked me to walk her to her door. I figured it was a good idea and walked her to her front stoop. I knew that a first kiss was imminent, so I prepped myself by standing on the first step. See, she was wearing heels and I’m not fond of looking up to kiss, so the first step was perfect.

I forgot how awkward it was to kiss someone for the first time. Externally I was calm, collected, and talking about some shit that was completely meaningless. Internally I was freaked out, trying to figure out when to go in for the kill, and recalling my nightmarish highschool first kiss. I begged god not to fuck this one up. God finally hooked me up.

“You know, the only thing more weird than the first kiss is talking about it.” Daniela explained.

‘But we weren’t talk…ing a…bout kiss…ing….oh I get it, this is my window of opportunity’ I thought. I looked up, smiled, then went in for the kill.

Can I just tell you we were kissing like high schoolers on the front stoop of her home. It must have gone on for 30 minutes. I was kissing with my eyes open because I wanted to make sure it was really happening. I was trying to take it all in. The cold eventually got to me and I had to cut it short. I looked at her, I smiled, and I hopped in my car and drove away. Externally I had the cool swagger of a 50’s hipster, internally I was auditioning for Cirque Du Soleil and backflipping all the way home. That shit was nutz.

Date one ended without a hitch. God won 4-1 but I was ok with it, because I got to kiss brand new lips for the first time in 4 years.

As I drove home I imagined all the possibilities and fantasized about what life with my new giant girlfriend would be like.

Little did I know that the next 2 dates would go on to serve as both a lesson in psychology and patience.

Stay Tuned for Date 2. Where suddenly, things start taking a turn for the worse...