Date with Daniella 3 of 3. The conclusion.

It is a Wednesday. The apartment has been chick proofed. Pictures of Angelika removed. In fact, any items that might elicit a “What’s that? Where did you get that?” were removed. The place looks nice. Tonight I will get some booty.

I’m not a big fan of middle of the week dates, but for this momentous occasion, I figured it was as good a night as any. I must admit I was a bit nervous. I had not seen new booty for 4 years and I wasn’t sure how I was going to react. I had gotten to know the last one so well that I almost came to expect the same character traits and nuances that I had grown to love so much.

Also I had to readjust myself to the use of our fun rubbery friends, the condom. My ex was on the pill, we were both tested and faithful, so condom less sex was the norm. Now I have to go back to these little rubbery mood killers and I barely felt comfortable buying them. I feel like I missed out on a major life lesson by being a serial monogamist, I never did get the hang of condoms. No worries though, this guy is too smart to be condom less in New York City.

My biggest problem was buying these things. Memories of my first condom purchase flood my mind and the humiliation I felt as I paid for it and walked out of that quickie mart. The sales clerk didn’t say anything to embarrass me; it was more of a self imposed guilty humiliation. Funny thing is, I can go and buy tampons and walk up to the counter like I’m super man. I can even make small talk about it while I’m paying for it and walk out without ever feeling even just a little funny.

“Which do you prefer, the playtex gentle glide or the slim fits? Just want to get the best for my baby!”

Then I’d pay, smile and walk away. My ex taught me well. But have me buy some condoms and all of a sudden I’m the jack ass that goes up to the counter and buys a pack of gum, some chapstick, scratch lotto, and “oh let me get the Trojans?” as if I just so happened to notice I was out and figured I would pick some up to restock.

Do you know that you can go to the Trojan website and request a free sample? I do. In fact you can go to just about any condom site and get a free sample. You know how I know? Cause it beats the hell out of going to a store and buying them. I’ve just about hit up every condom site on the net and should have a hefty little collection of condoms arriving soon. Plus Kofa keeps his stocked so I can always borrow from the room mate.

But what about condom etiquette? Am I going know when to bust one out? Or how to put it on without loosing my rigidity? Or like what if I’m in the heat of the moment and I she goes “do you have a condom?” and it kills the moment? I mean I honestly don’t know because I’m seldom ever in that situation. I hate this part of dating. What do I do?

“Listen man, if you can get her to put it on with her mouth… that’s talent!”

“Wait what’s talent, getting her to do it, or the fact that she can do it?”

“Nigga, what do you think? If she can do it son, that’s the talent.”

Kofa isn’t black and neither am I, but sometimes he calls me nigga. I find it kind of endearing. We live in New York, that’s just part of our vernacular.

“Ok, so how do I find out if she can do it?”

“Just ask her.”

Ok, talking during sex is another tuffy for me. I mean if I am real comfortable or real drunk I can do it like a champ, but a new chick? I think the most I ever said to a new chick was “turn off the lights.”

“Look, I can’t just ask her. You know what? I’ll figure it out, I’ll just keep it by my bedside, when it looks like time to seal the deal, I’ll just reach over, rip it open, put it on, and continue, no big deal…”

“Yah son, it’s easy, relax. You’re makin a big deal out of nothing.”

So with my new confidence it was time to call Daniela and invite her over. I gave her a call and asked her what she was doing and she told me that she had class that day that would run till about 9PM. That was perfect because Kofa was going to his parents house around that time so I knew I would have the place to myself. I gave her the directions and the date was set.

She calls me at around 9:15 to tell me that she would be at my train station in 5 minutes. So I decide to meet her at my train station. I walk down to the station and just as I arrive she calls me to tell me she is there. We locate each other and meet up.

The first thing I do when I see her is giver her a kiss. That was my way of testing the boundaries. If we opened with a kiss then the rest of the night should build on that and end with some booty. That was the train of thought anyway.

“I’m hungry, lets get some food.” She said.

Being that it was late on a Wednesday, not many places were open, but we found a place that had good wraps, so we picked some up, headed to the local bodega, picked up a sixer of Heineken and a sixer of Heineken Oktoberfest Brew (its in a red label, its really good, I highly recommend it). So now we had some booze, the night is definitely headed in the right direction. The excitement was building.

We get to my place, I show her around, and she is impressed with my apartment and its furnishings. I have to give it to Angelika, she knew how to decorate a place like no one I knew. She gave it that woman’s touch that made the ladies feel safe and comfortable.

I grab a couple of glasses, pop open some brews, and we head to the living room. I put the food on the coffee table and turn on the James Bond lights. The James Bond lights are a set of track lights that cast that great halogen glow onto this shelf I have. They are called James Bond lights because you have to use this little remote control clicker to turn them on and it just seems like something that slick mofo would have. I digress.

We get comfy on the couch and get ready to eat. I say get ready to eat because after what is about to happen, I never actually get to eat. My food is nice and warm on the table and I got my fork in my hand, just as I’m about to stab it, I mean at the very moment that my fork prongs are about to penetrate the soft tortilla skin of my chicken wrap, Daniela asks me a question.

“Am I your rebounder?”

I froze.

“What? The hell kinda question is that?”

“Well my friends and I were talking and you just came out of a long relationship so I must be your rebound.”

In my mind I was thinking ‘You’re not anything right now, for Christ’s sake this is the third date, I can’t even say you’re the girl I’m dating right now!’

In real life I said:

“Look, I can’t convince you of anything nor will I try to. Fact is you have no reason to trust me or believe me because you hardly know me. All I can tell you is that what’s happened has happened and I am where I am at now. Take me at face value or don’t. You can put up all the walls you want and all the safety mechanisms you want, but in the end it’s up to me to knock them down and gain your trust right? So why don’t we continue to get to know each other and see where it goes.”

Holy shit! It’s as if the god of political bantor possessed me and said a whole lot of nothing. I’m pretty convinced that I can run for office now because what happens next is proof my political prowess.

“I don’t want to put up walls or play games.”

“Then you do what you need to do, but I got to say, it’s a bit premature for a conversation like this. This is just the third date.”

“You know what? You’re right. That was dumb. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s a stupid thing to say. Let’s eat.”

LET”S EAT?!?! Like forget about that whole conversation and lets eat? Imagine if Bush said “The war was a bad idea, forget it ever happened, lets eat.” That’s how ridiculous that moment felt to me. I was still on the defensive for some reason (what reason? Oh I dunno because maybe she almost called me out?) so I kinda got a stanky attitude and decided I would rather smoke a cigarette out on my balcony . Ok fine it’s a fire escape, but if I use a piece of plastic like a plate, it’s a plate right? Well this is my balcony.

She followed me out on to my balcony and began to small talk and chit chat with me. She seriously was able to put it all aside and pretend like it never happened. I decided to stop acting like a woman and just be cool again. Went back inside, sat back on the couch, looked at my food that was completely unappealing, and just decided to move on with flirty conversation. We popped open a few more beers and began to close in on the plan.

“Why do I always have to ask you for a kiss?”

“What you haven’t asked me for a kiss?”

“I just did!”

Ok, it’s on now. I grabbed her and starting making out with her on my couch. Clicked the James Bond lights off and began to jockey for a comfy kissing spot on the couch. When an average height dude and a tall girl try to make out on a couch, it’s weird. My knee was on the ground, my other leg was thrown over her like a saddle, my neck was in an awkward position and my chest muscles were failing me.

“Let’s go to my room.” I said ever so coyly.

“I don’t know if I should do this, isn’t it getting late?”

“So it’s 11PM big deal.”

“Yah but you said you had to be at work real early.”

It’s true, I did, I had a directors meeting at 7:45AM, but I didn’t give a shit.

“Well listen, I can call you a cab if you want.”

“I don’t want, as long as you don’t blame me for keeping you up, I don’t care. Let’s go to your room.”

I could almost taste it. Booty was just around the corner. Literally, my room was around the corner. We enter the lair.

She flops down on my bed on her back and I fall on top of her, we are kissing fervidly and passionately, I begin to slide my hands down her side and on to her hip. She is pulling on my shirt and touching me in places that haven’t felt foreign hands in ages. I slid my hand back up and cupped her right breast… things were flowing.

THEN….

“I should really go home.”

My eyes almost rolled out of my head.

“I can call you a cab, it will be here in 3 minutes, you’ll be home in 10. I would never have you take the subway this late at night.”

“I mean it’s late and the night can get later and I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Nah, it’s cool.”

With that she rolled me over and straddled me. I was not prepared for the weight of a tall chick. In fact, up until then, I just kinda imagined them weighing the same as small or normal sized chicks. But I didn’t let on, I maintained my composure.

She then leaned over to kiss me and was basically lying on top of me. I could fake it no more. I began to take deep breaths through my nose hoping to fill my lungs with enough air so that they wouldn’t collapse by the shear weight of this tall leggy chick on top of me. My nostrils could barely keep up with the air flow demands and my back up system kicked into place. I began to breathe through my mouth. Yes, while we were kissing, I was breathing through my mouth and I managed to turn what’s supposed to be a sexy situation into little more than mouth to mouth resuscitation. She got the hint and rolled off.

I tried to keep the spirit of making out alive but it was all just crumbling right before my eyes.

“I shouldn’t do this.” She said.

“Okie doke, let me call that cab.” I seriously needed to either get some booty or go to sleep because that directors meeting was going to suck hard.

“It’s just so late and…”

“It is getting late, but if it was that much of a problem I would have said something by now.” I said cutting her off.

“Well… maybe I can just crash here like on your couch or something.”

Jesus, this girl was all over the place.

“Look, if you stay, your staying in my bed, don’t be retarded. I have a big bed and I can stay on my side without ever once coming close to you, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want that. Fine I will stay.”

“Alright, but I’m seriously just going to bed cause I have to be up crazy early.”

“If I stay, will you respect me in the morning?”

Raise your hands if you don’t know how to fuck up this answer?

“Of course I will.”

I threw her some hospital scrubs I stole from my last job, got into my jammies, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. I gave it one last effort and I kissed her and rubbed her butt, but it was going nowhere.

“Ok, I’m going to sleep, if I snore, just roll me over. Good night.”

“You snore?!?!” She said sounding rather shocked.

“Yes, sometimes when I lay flat on my back and I’m really tired.”

“That’s funny, snoring always wakes me up. I’m a light sleeper. Ok, good night.”

She wasn’t kidding. It was 2:30AM when I finally knocked out. I was fast asleep dreaming about the beach when I get a nudge.

“I’m cold.”

“Would you like me to turn off the fan?”

“No, it’s ok.”

I looked at the clock and it was 3:30. I went back to sleep. I rejoin the beach in dream world, catching a tan off the coast of Mexico when…. NUDGE.

“Huh, what?” I said a little confused and sleepy.

“Your snoring.”

“Just roll me over, its easy, you don’t have to wake me, just push me and I will roll right over..”


Back to my dreams. The beach was gone but I was having a nice little dream about Angelika. How I missed her so. Just me and her hanging out watchin…. NUDGE…

“I’m hot.”

I looked at the clock and it was 4:50AM and I can’t believe she just woke me from spending quality time with my sweet, sweet Angelika. I was annoyed.

“Do you wan’t me to open the window?

“No, it’s ok.”

“Alright, just uncover yourself, you’ll cool right off.”

Closed my eyes and fell out. I don’t remember dreaming at this point, but I did fall fast asleep. I finally felt like I was getting good rest when the MOTHER EFFING alarm went off. I wanted to kill myself but instead decided to wake up and take a shower.

I got in the shower and took my ritualistic shower nap with my head up against the wall and the hot water pouring down my back. I dreamt that she would be gone by the time I got out. That, my friends, was just a dream.

I got out, brushed my teeth, cleaned up and went to my room. Guess who was still in bed wearing my scrubs? That’s right. Daniela. I told her that I had to be out in 15 minutes to which we responded…

“But I don’t have to be in class until 10:30.”

THE HELL DID SHE JUST SAY? I know she wasn’t trying to stay at my place while I went to work.

“Nah you can’t stay, my room mate will get shitty. You got to leave with me.”

Room mates are great; you can blame shit on them and make them look like the bad guy.

She began to dress up and I went to the kitchen to get some coffee. Amazingly, by the time I got back to my room, she was dressed and my bed was made.

“You’re the best” I said trying to give her some positive feedback for the good job she did making my bed.

“Thank you. Can I get my kiss now?”

The following are my thoughts and the order in which they happened.

1.) I know she didn’t bring a toothbrush…
2.) She BETTER not have used MY toothbrush…
3.) Wait… is that why the Listerine bottle was opened?

Putting my deductive reasoning skills to the test, I decided to kiss her. She tasted minty. I was right.

We left my apartment and I walked her outside. I pointed to the train and said that I would talk to her later. That wasn’t enough for her; she wanted a ride to the train. The very same train that was 1 block away. I called my co-worker who usually meets me at my place for a carpool and told him to stay by the train so that I could pick him up.

As we neared the train she asked: “what are you doing tonight?”

“Sleeping.”

“What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“I dunno, probably sleeping.”

“What are you doing Friday night?”

Truth was, at this point I didn’t know what I was doing for the rest of her life. But I wasn’t going to be a complete asshole.

“I don’t know for sure, but we’ll talk before then. Cool?”

“Ok.”

I dropped her off, my co-worker jumped in, and off I went to the directors meeting. I was exhausted not by the lack of sleep, but by the effort I had to put forth to get rid of this chick. She was too much too soon. By the time I got to work I had already received an email that read:

“It was nice cuddling with you!”

Did we cuddle? I don’t remember no stinking cuddling. Cuddling? Eww… I’m not ready for cuddling. Her girlfriend like response put me off a bit. I ended up putting some space between us and toning it down. After speaking with the steering committee (all my friends that are trying to turn me into something I still have problems being) the general consensus was to drop her. Jay however felt different. He thinks I should bag her then get rid of her. I don’t know if I can, but I do have one last date with her in the near future. You will all hear about it when it does happen.

The lesson? A girl that sleeps over at your place on the 3rd date might be nutty, oh yeah, and be wary of chicks that have too much in common with my dearest Angelika.

As for my adventures, we are just getting started. After Daniela I go on to meet a few more. Stay tuned for Missy. The bartender who’s BIG LOSS is my gain.