Los Angeles: Part 1 - Daisy

Every now and then something so crazy happens that leaves you bewildered. So crazy that it makes you wonder if real life really is like the movies. So crazy that you might exclaim “This shit only happens when I’m tripping!” For some of you, every thing you read in this blog falls under that category, but for me that’s status quo, that’s just real life. However I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen to me on this unassuming Thursday morning.

Its 4:30 AM. Phone rings. In my line of work this is typical. In fact, never mind my line of work, with god’s cruel plan to make sure I never get a decent night’s sleep, this is typical. However in my age, I’ve learn to become clever. The genius is in the voicemail greeting.

“Hey I must have missed your call, if this is urgent please try back, otherwise leave a message.”

See my first line of defense is to make people call me again. No one likes to be a pain in the ass. So if they have to call back, they will make sure that it is urgent, otherwise, well… they’ll have to leave a message and I’ll listen to it when I damn well please. No guarantees there. So in a typical 4:30 AM call, I ignore it the first time it rings. Usually it will be followed by the voicemail tone and I will sleep soundly for the rest of the night knowing I have avoided my responsibility yet one more time. Not this time though… the caller called back.

I thought this was unusual and began to mentally prepare myself for an agonizing early morning conversation. I get up to pick up my cell phone and on the caller ID I see Daisy.

Now, a brief history on this marvel of an Ex-girlfriend. Daisy was an heiress to a fortune that lived in a pent house apartment in union square. I met Daisy one day when mutual friends of ours introduced us. We began to date and the sex life was phenomenal. The world was at our disposal. So why is she an ex? Good question. Simple answer. SHE IS FUCKING CRAZY. Growing up and never having to hone up to any responsibility really does a number on someone. Not having to ever work a day in your life and having all you want at your will really skews reality for these people. If they don’t have to work, they don’t. The result is typically an unmotivated individual looking for the meaning of life and self worth. They take things that you and I regard as extremely valuable for granted. Oh and my favorite, they malfunction when shit doesn’t go their way. Spoiled doesn’t even begin to describe what these confused and sad individuals are like. Needless to say, I love Daisy as a friend because I find her neurosis endearing and at the end of the day, she has a great big caring heart. Deep down inside she wants what you and I want, and that’s happiness. She just hasn’t figured out how to buy it.

Now Daisy fell off my radar for almost 8 months. We used to talk regularly once a month or so then all of a sudden, she stopped returning my calls, she stopped calling, she stopped responding to emails and she was certainly not emailing. I was worried because in her fragile state, it usually means that something traumatic is happening in her life, and by traumatic I mean some stupid boy problem. So when I saw her on caller ID, my 4:30 AM despair turned into excitement to hear from an old friend… who was probably really drunk and didn’t realize she was calling so early in the morning. I answered the phone.

“Holy shit!!! What the fuck is up?”

She laughs. “HEY GUY!!!”

“How are you sweety, I haven’t heard from you in ages, where the hell have you been?”

“I know I know, I’m sorry. I was in this relationship and it was just not good and… and… hold on a sec…” she said clearly distracted by something. “…Ok, so yeah um yeah it was this boy and he’s an ass but whatever I don’t want to talk about that. How are you?”

“I’m good, I mean besides the fact that it’s 4:30, I’m great. I missed you. You totally fell off for so long. I was worried! You weren’t returning my calls. It got to the point that I would call knowing that it would go to voicemail and I resorted to singing on your voicemail messages in hopes that it would get your attention.”

“Yes, I loved those.”

“So why didn’t you call me back?”

“I just wasn’t right, but believe me; it always cheered me up to hear your voice.”

“Well that’s great, no more falling off though.” I said like a true disciplinarian.

“I promise.” She said in her sweetest innocent voice.

Her voice was a bit higher pitched, her sentences were a little slurry, and she was a little scatter brained… this was very familiar to me. I knew she was either very drunk or coked up.

“So Daisy, what time is it over there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“Hey what’s that supposed to mean mister?”

“Nooothing, joooke. Relaxxx.”

So as amused as I was, I felt sleep would probably be the better choice, I decided to try to find an out. If Daisy was drunk the conversation would probably end with her passing out of the phone, if she was coked up, it probably would not have ended… EVER. I decided not to risk it and began searching for my way out.

“Hey Dais, can I call you later today, I just realized I have a huge meeting I have to be at super early tomorrow.”

That was a huge lie but it usually worked.

“Cancel the meeting.”

“OK?!?!? Whattaya retahded? You know I can’t do that.”

“No see, you don’t understand, you have to.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Why’s that Dais?” I aked rolling my eyes.

You see typically she would follow up with some dumb shit like "Because I'm more important than your stupid job." Not this time though...

“Because I need you to get on an airplane tomorrow at JFK at 11:30AM.”

“Um yeah… that’s not happening, firstly because I can’t just take the day off, and secondly do you know how much a flight is if you buy it the day before? What’s the occasion what’s so important?”

“No, see… guy… you don’t understand. See the ticket is already bought. You are already booked. I need you to get on that plane.”

“WAIT WHAT?!?!”

“Yeah, so call your boss and tell him you need to take off.”

“Um…”

I was at a loss for words. Adrenaline started rushing through my veins. Why am I so addicted to this feeling?

“Wait, aren’t you the boss there?”

“Yeah um…”

“Stop being so important and take the day off. The world won’t end without you.”

“Wow, Dais, I’m uh… speechless… this is all too crazy right now.”

“So you’re coming right?”

After a long pause and careful consideration I decided it wasn’t a good idea… to go to work. This kinda shit doesn’t happen often, I had to do it.

“Yes. I’m in. I’m going to get hell for this but fuck it."

The thrill was intense. I felt so wrong, but sooooo right.

"So what’s the occasion?”

“I’m having an industry party at my house on Saturday and I need you to be my date. We need to cause some trouble.”

She was an aspiring actress, and by aspiring I mean that she gets her head shots updated every 6 months but NEVER goes to auditions. She gets so nervous that she ends up locked in a bathroom for hours trying to "calm" her nerves. Sounds like sobbing in a bathtub with the water running. I wonder what retreat she learned that technique from. She will one day go to auditions... I just don't know when. These industry parties did help though, in a few circumstances she landed parts without auditioning, but you wont find her on cable TV anytime soon.

“Oh yeah? Cause some trouble? It’s like that?” I asked with a devilish grin.

Trouble was code speak for making "the sex," or doing "the love" if you will. It had been years since her and I hooked up, but I knew exactly what she was getting at. I mean it made sense. No more boyfriend, feeling vulnerable, she knew I was single, why not? Been there done that, no new notch on the belt. It’s kinda perfect.

“Yeah, we need to get into trouble.” She responded.

If you can imagine for a minute, I was lying in bed, it was pitch black in my room, I’m on the phone with a sex crazed ex, and I was just told to get on a transcontinental booty call. What would you have done?

“Ok, well you can expect me there, but I have to ask you something.”

“What?”

“When did you buy this ticket?”

“Last week.”

“Why did you wait until the night before to tell me?”

“I’m not stupid. I know you too well guy. If I would have told you last week you would have talked your way out of it. But you can’t resist something this crazy. The fact that I am calling you the night before makes it impossible for your twisted little brain to say no.”

Ugh... I felt so cheap and predictable. But she was right. I couldn’t say no. What a great story it would make. I knew that this kind of thing might never happen again.

“Wow, am I really that easy to read Daisy?”

“No, you are hard as hell to read, that’s why we didn’t work out, but that part of you, let’s just say it comes with getting to know you.”

“That’s fair. Well you won. I’m going. You will see me there and it should be fun.”

“Oh it will be.”

“Alright Dais, well I’m going to bed, I have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow.”

“Ok, I can’t wait to see you.” she said with cheer in her raspy voice.

“Me neither, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Good night sweety.”

“Bye love.”

And as I hung up the phone I the sick adrenalin rush come over me again. I must have done something right in this life to have this kind of experience fall on my lap. I could barely sleep. I imagined the kind of trouble I would be getting into and the thrill was just too much. If my memory served me, she was a lil bit of a rock star and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The next morning I told my boss I had a family emergency and I packed my shit. I told Kofa about what happened.

"You better represent. Don't come back if you didn't." He said firmly while shaking my hand.

"I wont let you down."

"Nah nigga, you wont be lettin me down, that's YOU. Don't fuck this one up."

He called me "nigga," thats how I knew we were having a heart to heart type of conversation.

"I won't homie. I'm out! I'll call you when I get there."

"No doubt."

With that I left to the airport. I arrived at the Jet Blue terminal, gave them my name and sure enough I was booked. Before I knew it I was on a plane headed for Burbank California with a bag of clothes, a toothbrush, and some of my rubbery little friends.

I was skeptical though. Something was terribly wrong. God had made this all too easy for me. What was the catch? How come I didn’t get in trouble at work? I mean they practically rolled out the red carpet when I asked to take off. How come my flight wasn’t delayed? Why wasn’t I miserably stranded at the airport for hours? Why wasn’t there any horrifying turbulence on the flight? Something was up. I knew that god wasn’t just letting me win…

Well god wasn’t letting me win. He was crafting an amazing stunt. I mean this one was well thought out. I mean it was in Hollywood, it wouldn’t be a god move if he didn’t glam it up. But I didn’t go down without a fight. I was ready for this battle.

The battle ground was chosen. It was Daisy’s house. It was 2 nights. The next part of the story involves a game of trivial pursuit, 5 bottles of wine, and only 4 players. I wasn’t ready for what I was about to be a part of, but I’m keen and cunning, I adapted…find out what happens in part 2.